the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
