At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
