Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.