i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?