you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
