my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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