I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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