so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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