Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
