Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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