dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
