just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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