no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
