Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
