i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize