Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
