May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
