You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
