ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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