if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize