Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
