Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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