DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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