Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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