Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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