i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
