Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize