What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
