Nicole vs. Life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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