When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm like, not good at living.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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