the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's like iHOP with fire
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
