oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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