There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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