i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
