i need an iv and a liver transplant
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You are the jesus of drinking
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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