idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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