i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
