at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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