I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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