Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
