I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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