OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
