guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
