evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
