Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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