Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
