38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it glows. i had to have it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
