You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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