I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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