You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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