Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
