I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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