Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize