he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They have beer where we have blood.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
