I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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