those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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