Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
