ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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